I feel guilty leading him on, but for both of us, I can't tell him. I love my husband dearly but feel no sexual spark. And for that reason, I can only admit it all here. I couldn't risk the disruption to my life, the lives of my husband and children, as well as my entire social circle. I have to swallow the fact that I'll never tell anyone. I would lose close friends and relatives I would wind-up having to navigate homosexuality as a nearly 40 year old woman with no friends, no ties and few options. My husband would learn to understand and we could probably co-parent very well, but my brothers and parents would simply cut me out. I was born into a culture and religion that is horrifically homophobic. I have professional fulfillment, beautiful kids and a couple of years ago, I became a US citizen. We own a beautiful home, my husband has an incredible job which has enabled me to take the job I want, not the job I would need to survive. He has doted on me our entire relationship and has been nothing but wonderful. My kids made me breakfast, my husband bought me an incredible, thoughtful, gift.
